Ask Jack 03/16/2010
Q: Do you think holidays have become too commercialized? Christmas has become all about Santa, and St. Patrick’s Day has become all about green beer. What gives?
Steve Palmer — Coon Rapids, MN
A: In the interest of staying on the right side of the Political Correctness gods, I don’t know that I can really attest as to whether or not any holidays have become “too commercial.” However, it is timely that you mention St. Patrick’s Day. Instead of looking upon green beer as an element that’s “commercialized” a holiday, I prefer to think that the Irish have simply come up with a good celebration method that we ought to incorporate into other holidays: Color-coded Beer. Our suggestions are as follows:
New Year’s Day: Any beer with a recent “born on” date
President’s Day: Samuel Adams
April Fool’s Day: O’Doul’s Non-Alcoholic Beer
Easter: Any Pastel-colored beer
Cinco de Mayo: Corona or Dos Equis
Mother’s Day: Any Cider-flavored beer
Memorial Day: Red, White, or Blue-colored beer
Father’s Day: Any beer
Independence Day: Red, White, or Blue-colored beer
Labor Day: Mauve-colored beer (just because)
Halloween: Pumpkin Ale
Columbus Day: Any beer that makes you think you’ve “discovered” something that was really already there
National Boss’ Day: Any beer… of any hue or flavor.
Veteran’s Day: Pabst Blue Ribbon (Or any beer your grandparents used to drink)
Thanksgiving: Orange or red-colored beer. Newcastle Brown Ale (since brown is also a fall color) is also acceptable
Christmas: Red or Green-colored beer. Though the green in Christmas beer should be a pine color so as to distinguish it from the green St. Patrick’s Day beer.
These are our suggestions. Please write your congressman to bring our vision to life. Thanks for the question, Steve.