What should have been an earth-shattering, angels-singing three-day Valentine’s Day weekend for the Ma-SHEEN, ended up quite disappointing. Charlie drank chocolate milk and worked on Steps 1-5 in rehab, instead of spending quality time with his proposed porn family. I think that’s where it all started to go wrong…
He was gonna drop a cool million renting his next door neighbor’s–Vanna White’s ex-husband, BTW–spacious L.A. mansion for a year and planned to populate it with Nubile Nymphs from the adult film industry lookin’ for a part-time gig. And he would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for those meddling managers and pesky publicists! RUH-ROW!!
Here’s a guy who commands $1.85 mil an episode for his “Two Guys and a Pizza Place” sitcom…or is it “My Three Children”…I can honestly say I’ve never watched Ducky and the Fat Kid trade sarcastic quips with Charlie as the laugh track drones on. Not my cup of tea–gimme Sheen as the drug-addled juvie in the copshop tryin’ to pick up Jennifer Grey in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”. Sure, he’s only on-screen for about a minute and a half, but he STEALS the scene! Typecasting Brilliance. Okay, he doesn’t suck in “Wall Street” either, trading acting tips with Daddy Sheen. Ever since stepbrother Emilio Estevez peaked as the jock who tapes his teammate’s butt-cheeks together in “The Breakfast Club”, Charlie’s been scoopin’ up the headlines. Oh, wait–did I mention his “rehab” is his $5.2 million bachelor pad in the San Fernando Valley? That’s heavy-duty Hollywood Treatment, kids.
And troubled Winona Ryder Wannabe Lindsey Lohan squawks to the tabloids that “Charlie needs HELP!”?? He’s writin’ 30K checks to unknown skin flick chicks cuz she laughed at his jokes. He’s NOT stealing jewelry in Beverly Hills. Liftin’ a $2,500 necklace? That’s Chump Change. Let the boy have his fun. He can afford it.